This blog goes quite nicely hand-in-hand with something else I want to write about later, so I suppose this could be called "Part One". So without further ado, for your amusement:
"I don't wear a church."
"Your butt's fallin' my sleep-a-leg!"
"Don't put out the Spire!"
"He slurpeth his eggethnoggeth."
"Also remind yourself you're not a potato!"
And my personal favorite:
Shakespearean Attitude: "Like, whatevereth!"
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